lily; wanderer, wonderer, dreamer.

2010

- December 29 -

My January was innocent. New Years with a new crowd. A first date with a climate change skeptic (it was never going to last). Promises were made. It was one year since they died, and one year since I found someone who is still one of my best friends. Putting certain feelings to rest, actually easier than anticipated (and such a good move). Nerves for the month to come. 

I lived February in an alternate universe. I loved fiercely and was loved in return. I drank G&Ts with a stranger in an outdoor bar in Singapore. I explored the world and let myself be spontaneous. I cried. I had my eyes opened. I said goodbye.

March was a new kind of life. University and law and remembering how to write essays after a year of admin work and teaching. Finding a niche among a bunch of people I mostly didn’t like. Clicking with the best group of friends I could ask for. New and renewed friendships. 

April was being broken. A chest wound held together by pride, and exposed by gin. April made February memories hurt. It was hard to breathe.

There was a week on a bus in May where I realised just how much I liked him. May was best friends. May was rebuilding. It was struggling with expectations and frameworks and fitting into the mould. May was still tender and raw. May was moving on.

In June there were exams, there was a birthday, and there was contentment. There was goodbye for a year to one of my best friends.

My July brought change. Perth brought long nights dancing with the greatest people I know. Drinking too much on the beach and being carried home. Sitting on a stone wall in Fremantle, soaking up the sunlight and knowing that our two square metres of brightness and cold was the happiest place in the world. July was phone calls and realising we missed each other. July was hearing “I still love you” and not saying it back.

August was the beginning. August was a tentative kiss on my back deck. August was a painful election, political frustration and governmental uncertainty. It was the Basement Birds and singing in the car. It was back at uni and trying to get things right. It was Sydney and planning and the excitement of work to be done.

September was Bob Evans and Josh Pyke. It was Melbourne and adventuring and being far too cold. It was ‘boyfriend’ and ‘best friend’ at the same time. 

In October there was Sydney, again. It was winning at Articulate and “she is excellent.” It was wondering how I’d managed a life this good. It was Toowoomba and Powderfinger and walking home two and a half hours in the freezing fog. It was the Sunshine Coast and frustration at old friends. It was hash browns in the morning and swimming to chase away hangovers.

Exams were in November, but so was an empty house. Easy coexistence and hours of study. November was Powderfinger again, and the spirit of Bernard getting me through the next day’s exam. Moreton Island, gin from buckets, beach couch and ‘Last Kiss’. November was a week back at work. 

December was goodbye for seven weeks. Drunk phone calls from Canberra, between excellent days and messy nights. December was surprising popularity. It was playing ‘pass the glowstick’ and still suffering the consequences. It was ‘I love you’. It was Christmas, and family, and driving six hours in two days. Tomorrow it will be furious packing, and a plane to New Zealand.

January? NZ, wedding, Darwin. 
February? Washington, New York, Boston.
March? Uni starts back, life resumes.
Beyond that? Who knows.

2010 has treated me pretty kindly. I’ve lived well, laughed often, and loved truly. Bring it on, 2011.